I have found honesty to be a tricky, thorny issue as a pastor.
As a general rule, I tell the truth, but I am increasingly convinced that people don’t want the WHOLE TRUTH. People say they love transparent pastors, but they don’t quite mean transparent – they mean transparent-ish.
- Sometimes my wife and I yell at each other. We have done it for 13 years since we were teenagers. We’re not going to stop. We just love each other so much and know we’re never leaving each other that we sometimes let it all hang out. Folk aren’t ready for that.
- I often have VERY DIRECT bits of advice and insight that I want to give particular people, but they would angrily leave the church if I was completely honest with them about their problems. Most people don’t want complete honesty, they normally just want me to listen and tell them they’re right.
- Sometimes I want to stare people in the face and tell them that I think they are insanely crazy lunatics (because they are), but instead I say something like, “You are having a tough time in life aren’t you? Let’s try to find a way out of this maze together.” The two aren’t the same thing.
Honesty with grace is still honesty, but it’s tricky.
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Yes sir! I think Pastor's Assistants deal with the same issue. Stay the course Shaun!!
Man, I completely understand. I've been fighting this battle for so long, I'm not a pastor but I try to be transparent with my family and friends. Often, it is taken out of context, misunderstood or just outright offensive to some people for some reason. I won't apologize for it, I just may not be the shoulder for you to cry on…but at the same time I don't want to hurt folks feelings either. In most cases I believe people know the answers to whatever it is that they are dealing with, and when we sugarcoat it (non-transparent), we justify the issue and give them an excuse not to change or deal with it. Just my 2 cents.
"Sometimes I want to stare people in the face and tell them that I think they are insanely crazy lunatics (because they are), but instead I say something like, “You are having a tough time in life aren’t you? Let’s try to find a way out of this maze together.” The two aren’t the same thing. " LOL!!! I just had to think if those words ever came out of your mouth when talking to me…. LOL….
Yes, I'm thinking the same thing! :D Trying to remember if I heard that in Haiti at all?! It would be OK though because I acknowledge that I'm an insanely crazy lunatic, so I can handle the truth :)
I am a Watcher. A servant that has merely answered and said, Lord send me. A Watcher has to be honest. If what I see (discern) and share does not align with The Word Of God then you have lost nothing. But, when and where it does point to error and you ignore it then I have done what I was called to do. Honesty really isn't "tricky" . Being a nonCompromising servant of Jesus Christ is what it is. Stay blessed in Jesus name Amen…
Love the post, Shaun! Our answers have to be inspired by the Holy Spirit or they are simply more junk from the world.
Amen,
sandy
Funny, but true. We must alway be ready to give the right answer at the right time using the right words. Makes all the difference in the world.
LOVE your honesty Shaun! That is one of the things that makes you such an effective pastor…. people appreciate "real"! :)
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