(Mom – if you’re reading this – I’m sorry. You might wanna come back tomorrow and read something else)
Besides making you horny and causing you to want to masturbate, porn very honestly has NO redemptive qualities. Truthfully, it can really set you back.
Me and all of my high school and college buddies watched A LOT of porn growing up. Almost none of us had dads and pretty much learned everything we knew about sex from movies titled things like BIG, CHOCOLATE BOOTY CHEERLEADERS - Part 17. I literally had ZERO conversations about sex with one caring adult my entire life. I filled that void with porn and Snoop Dog. For real. That’s not a good thing.
What took me no time to learn has taken me many, many years and prayers to free myself from. Let me tell you 3 quick thoughts that helped me and then share an awesome resource with you. I’m also willing to answer your questions if you have any.
1. Porn is fake. The stars are acting and fronting. The noises they make are fake and exaggerated. The smiles are fake. The happiness is fake. The relationships are fake. They don’t like the positions they are using. It’s all fake. They are on a movie set and get paid for their performances.
If you base your sex life on porn you are basing it on something fake. This is not a good idea. When I accepted that porn was fake, it removed the excitement from watching it some, but mainly ruined my lame excuse for saying I was watching it to learn how to have good sex.
2. Porn is very unhealthy for its stars. As you could just imagine, it is very, very difficult for men and women in porn to maintain any healthy relationships or marriages. Sex was not designed to be a commodity for sale and when it is sold it warps the sexuality of its participants.
When you watch porn, whether it is free or you buy it, you are supporting the unhealthy choices of its stars. Most of the women in porn wanted to be models or movie stars and found themselves doing that instead. I don’t feel comfortable with this idea myself. Our demand for it is directly tied to the supply of it. The more we demand, the more it is supplied and the more unhealthy men and women we have.
3. Porn is lazy and selfish. Whether you are single or married, watching porn and masturbating is the easy, lazy, selfish option to take. Let me tell you what I mean by this…
The desire to have sex causes men and women to live a certain way. For instance, if I want to have great sex with my wife, I will generally treat her awesome all day long. I will flirt with her. I will be extra complimentary and affectionate.
Beyond the fact that they don’t do this in porn, when you watch porn and masturbate, it is going zap or at least lessen the desire for sex with your spouse in a way that you will now deny yourself (and your spouse) the fun, fulfilling lead up to sex. You got yours so now you no longer put the energy into pursuing your spouse. This is lazy and selfish. Furthermore, it will absolutely make your spouse feel small. Generally speaking, if you have to hide that you are doing it, it’s not a good idea.
If you are single and get a good portion of your sexual fulfillment from porn and masturbation, your primal desire to look, smell, and sound appealing to the opposite sex is, at best warped or lessened. I’m not saying the only reason men or women need to look, smell, and sound appealing is to have sex, but doggone it, it’s part of it. God actually placed it in us.
Porn and masturbation gets in the way of this very basic idea.
Feel free to leave your comments or questions. I really hope you will check out the event below.
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Every day this week an awesome event that I will be attending called The Porn Event is going on. Check it out and see if you can make it to one of the sessions.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Truth in a straight-forward manner. I love it!
Very true. Pornography creates a desire that cannot be fulfilled, even with porn. It's the type of trap that's better left alone.
Truth! I had a problem with porn for many years. I remember praying to God and asking why I couldn’t find a solid Christian woman to marry. God very clearly and audibly told me “Because you’re not being a very Godly man.” My hypocracy hit me hard , and I began the process of leaving it behind. Not long after it ceased being a habit, I met the woman who I am now married to.
Porn is for losers and it support human slavery!
Porn is a trap and some men may desire help from this horrible addiction. Losers is kind of a strong word.
Another couple of good resources I have personally found beneficial:
1.http://x3watch.com/ an accountability software program helping with online integrity. They have a free version.
2.http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ an online devotional with a mentor to walk out of the addiction to pornography.
The other piece of advice I would offer is for anyone/everyone to have an accountability partner. Someone you can tell everything to, who will pray with you and for you.
Wow, all true. Very good stuff right here.
Besides the reasons listed in this discussion, porn stars are exploited sex workers. Many of them are abused and have to resort to drugs and alcohol just to do their "job." Many ex-porn stars have discussed how they actually had pimps who used a legal means to sexually exploit these men and women. There are also medical reasons as to why porn is dangerous to your mind and body. It’s also quite clear the spiritual ramifications of what porn watching can do as well.
Psychology today has two articles on why porn addiction is a problem.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poison...
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poison...
(this article talks about how porn can pretty much ruin your sex life(
A truly compassionate person wouldn’t support the porn industry. This industry is demonic and has lead to other evil behavior in society. Furthermore the sex-workers in this industry aren’t treated well. They are often abused, neglected, and sometimes forced to perform sexual acts on camera that they didn’t consent to. There is a wonderful organization called Pink Cross which helps men and women get out of the porn industry. This website interviews ex-porn stars. After reading their stories, I can’t imagine why people would still continue to support this industry.
I cannot express how much I love love love your anointing and call to ministry Shaun…you make living for and loving Christ real and relatable. God bless you!
A friend of mine attends your church and sent me your post about porn – Good you are talking about it — a trap leading many into addiction within the Christian community. I have a new website athttp://www.restorepurity.com intended for guys at 2 in the morning. My hope is it will be an aid for guys wanting help. Two sections that might be of immediate interest are 1) The first 12 or so Praise & Worship songs/youtube pieces are their to offer guys an alternative to viewing porn. 2) The "Identity as a Son" sections are there to help guys clean up after the fact. All is free. Blessings Mike Caven Resurrection Life Ministries
Shaun,
You didn't give a lot of insight for us guys that are not married. I completely understand that porn is wrong, but what if I do not look at porn? Isn't just masturbation getting the same result that you said for single guys that look at porn? What if I look, smell, and act appealing to the opposite sex and then go home and masturbate? Does that make it acceptable? I promise I am not trying to start a debate here, I just really would like an answer to this. I don't mind posting this as a comment; because I'm sure that there are more that would like the same answer.
Please respond.
Thanks.
Please see the book referenced in my comment below- perhaps it might help.
"Don't give up the fight for your life- you shall live and not die!"
Blessings,
Lady Jaie
I enjoyed this post and think that there are some really great points. But its a much greater challenge to avoid it being single and celibate. When there is no one there its hard to not think about being close to a person. I have found other ways to channel that physical tension but it is challenging sometimes! I have found other tasks I believe that it does take away from us when we watch it and the actors/actresses in it are not well. It creates a false fantasy. And I realize that watching it will keep me away from all of the things God wants me to have.
There are a couple of things that I am learning.
First, as you get older the desire to watch porn etc… does not just go away. Being 23 I was hoping that was true.
Second, Everyday I have to remind myself that those girls are someones sister, daughter, mother. I look at my 2 sisters and realize that I would never want any guy to ever think about her like that. I think putting flesh (for lack of better term) on the "actors" makes it way more real in a sense of how disgusting it can be to partake in watching.
These are two things that I have to constantly remind myself daily. This idea that it doesn't get any better or go away and so I need to work on self control now. And that these girls are real, not just objects of my desire.
Very tough to do.
I like that you touched on this topic. In the Christian church/community, there is a lot of pretending that there is no sexual activity outside of marriage or issues like with porn or abuse. You spoke really well on this topic.
I'm glad to see that we are getting real about the issues that the enemy is using to destroy the Church and lives in general. Many years ago I was blessed enough to find a godly friend on a Christian music group's forum to confess my issues with this matter to.
I had hoped my struggle would end there, but it took many more years of prayer and falling and getting back up again before my deliverance came. But I thank God that it did. I had to learn that just being delivered isn't enough- we have to make a conscious effort every day to live right; we have to be honest with ourselves when we are feeling weak; we have to cry out to God in earnest in our weakness in order to stay delivered.
I gave a young man who had recently arrived at our church from the Caribbean this book because I know that although these things are prevalent everywhere, peer pressure when you're just arriving in a new place, coupled with North America's sex obsession would make an already difficult thing to handle that much harder.
The book is called Every Young Man's Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey.
There is also Every Man's Battle, Every Single Man's Battle, and the same series for women. To those who were inquiring as to where they can get extra help and insight, perhaps this may help.
Keep fighting "the good fight of faith" my brethren (1 Timothy 6: 11-12) and always remember that He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6).
Be blessed,
Lady Jaie
I never thought anyone could speak intelligently or interestingly about pornography. But this was a great read.
Thank you for being so transparent about yourself in your talk… It tells me you have been there done that… Hmmmmm… Great points… Food for thinking… Time for action…
Children of abuse are tangled into this stronghold, and it lingers as long as the affects of abuse aren't healed.
I like reading romance stories, some have explicit sex scenes, I've heard someone, I believe another Christian woman, refer to them as "literary porn". Does anyone agree with this? Is it the equivalent of actual porn. Please respond.
Porn is a billion $ industry that has more actual followers than the church. I’m not saying that it’s right or OK to watch it but it should be done in moderation by the male because very few females watch it. Males are naturally drawn to veiwing sex acts some simply go over board with it (Kirk Franklin) and most keep it in it’s proper perspective.
i liked reading your perspective altho, i must say that i am not in complete agreement with it. however, i believe that we should always question our actions to be sure we are doing or acting what is most christ like.
i thought some people came up with good questions, such as, stories that are written by artists who truely enjoyed writing them.
i think we have to be careful because, masterbation in itself is a release of sexual tensions. if there is no release for that energy things can become kind of warped, just look at what we see happening in the catholic church these days.
god created us with sexual desire and the body parts to go with it. i think everything taken with honest consideration and moderation can be healthy or even fun when experienced with your partner.
maybe i am wrong and im open to learning other perspectives which could possibly change my own. i want to live my life as true to myself as i can be.
Excellent post. I especially like point #3. It is selfish to withhold intimacy from our spouse. You're post motivates me to love my wife better than I may have in the past. Thank you :-)
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