Our pediatrician told us recently that we were really in the season where we needed to let our baby cry at night.
This is easier said than done. We love her so much! Hearing her cry breaks our heart. She wants us. She needs us.
Right?
Kind of.
If we don’t begin to let her cry at night, the doctor said that she will never learn how to soothe herself and self-soothing is an essential skill all children need to learn. As long as we keep taking her out of bed and rocking her or putting her in the bed with us, she will never develop the foundational life skills she needs.
Do you have any babies (not human infants) that you need to let cry? Maybe they are adults in your church. Maybe they are bad habits inside of you. Whatever they are, try letting them cry. You’ll be doing them AND YOU a big favor.
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I saw Anne Jackson's post today that was a very similar theme from a different perspective. She was responding to people that say they "are not being fed". That is also a baby metaphor that really doesn't make sense. We tare not to be baby Christians. We are supposed to be able to feed ourselves. Sure others can help in the preparation of the food and we are never self sufficient. But if we can't do some basic feeding of ourselves then we are not ever going to grow up.
So much hard truth. At the end of 2008, I stopped taking phone calls from some "babies" who do nothing but cry, and refuse to take advice when given, only to end up calling to cry again. I figure since I had made a decision to stop putting up with my own cry baby habits, I would not encourage others to live the same way.
Great analogy. The flesh constantly whines to be paid attention to, doesn't it? Sometimes you just gotta ignore it, and "let it cry"…. esp when it's something that DOESN'T need to be picked up and coddled….
(But from a literal, parental perspective, yes it's very tough to hear your baby cry….)
Peace.
good comments. we have a new (literal) baby who's a few months old..she's going thru the same thing.
AND, we have some changes in our ministry that are causing some crying from parents/students…my struggle is to know when to soothe and when to let them cry.
I feel like all I do is change diapers these days…at church AND at home.
Absolutely Adam! Same thing man. Don't get me wrong – sometimes we need to help people along, but we also have to have them on a path to maturity!
Indeed LaVonne! Be merciful in the process – some crying is allowed.
Absolutely Tracey!
I hear you Tom! I really do. Some soothing will ALWAYS be required.
Since meeting you through the Shorty Awards, I am enjoying checking out your blog. I think what you do is wonderful.
I like the spiritual analogy but wanted to offer another opinion on Cry It Out for infants. I followed the ferber method for my son and I deeply regret it. He did not learn to soothe himself, I think it damaged his trust in us. I am not an expert on this subject but encourage you to check out http://www.phdinparenting.com (she nominated me for the Shorty) and read some of her posts on the subject. There is also an excellent book called No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, or try Dr. Harvey Karp's books. Your doctor may be wonderful but may have not kept up with the latest research on this subject. Good luck with it, I know how hard it is! Hope to see you at the awards!
I think that you are making an unfair comparison between infants, and adults in our churches. I think the metaphor breaks down.
Personally, I would wonder about a pediatrician who tells you that a baby "will never learn how to sooth themselves." How can a pediatrician be able to make such an absolute claim?
A baby's cry is the only way that they know how to communicate. When you ignore it, you show them that you are not interested in meeting their needs. Obviously, you are interested in meeting their needs, but how can a baby understand that?
My wife and I practice attachment parenting with our children, ages 4 and 2, and they are very independent because of the bond that they have secured with us through meeting their needs.
What if these "needy" adults in our churches all stem from parents letting them "cry it out?"
No way of knowing for sure, but that is worth thinking through.
Because, met needs go away, and unmet needs resurface in other capacities of our life. Think about our identities in Christ, when He meets our need, we can live a full life as God has intended, but those who do not have their identity found in Christ, they look for it in all sorts of varieties.
No matter what parenting decision you make, you are the best parent for your baby. Trust the instincts God has given you.
Shaun,
Your doctor is expressing opinion, not medical fact. Your doctor is wanting your child to be brought up in the old school stoic style…. There are various schools of thought on that – the "attachment parenting" model which has been growing in acceptance and popularity would say that your parental instincts are right and the doctor is wrong – that self soothing actually is not a positive behavior and at that age, your children need the security of knowing you are always there for them. Google search "attachment parenting" and then make your own decision.
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/nig… here is an article about self-soothing and attachment parenting.