Disclaimer: People are regularly shocked when I reveal something personal online. Generally, people think that I should be close to perfect and very presentable online and leave anything resembling messiness or edginess alone. Trust me, I don’t tell all of my busines online, but I couldn’t disagree more with the above sentiments and will probably blog about this issue soon.
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I absolutely love my life, but it’s not perfect and I’ve been a bit stressed lately.
Money is very tight. My time is very thin. My wife has been having some health challenges. The kids are wrapping up a busy semester at a new school. Our church is wrapping up the first phase of a major renovation project. My family will be adopting a beautiful new child in the next week or so. I have a lot going on.
So anyways, a few days ago, my wife and I got into an argument. Like most arguments between couples, it was not really about anything major. They never are. Don’t get your panties tied into a knot, I’ve been with my wife since I was 17 years old and we are two intense (hard-headed) people and we argue from time to time. I know you are sweet 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but we’re not :-)
We haven’t really argued big for months. Maybe a year or more and I think that’s a record for us. In that time, I think I gained some perspective. Not enough perspective to keep me from the argument, but enough to probably keep me (and hopefully you) from another one in a very long time. Here’s what I know…
- Arguments are inherently selfish.
- The nature of arguments prohibit good listening.
- What seems like a crafty thing to say in an argument is probably not so crafty and will be regretted later.
- The original point of contention for an argument, which may have been very valid, is usually forgotten once the argument gets rolling.
- The stress of arguing clouds your judgment about issues beyond the original point of contention
- Someone that you really love begins to look like an enemy in an argument and that is never a good thing
- Arguments morph into a competition to win the argument
I can think of a lot more reasons why arguments generally suck and I’m sure you can add your own. Try hard to avoid them. Period.
FYI – My wife and I are making up…which is always a good thing :-)
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Must be why the Lord tells us in Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath…at least that way the slate is clean when "His mercies are new" in the morning!
Shaun, I couldn't agree more. My husband and I had an argument last week (and it has taken a week before we were speaking to each other again). The argument was so stupid and out of place. The bottom line is that he feesl the way he does and I feel the way I do and it was not worth arguing about. He has not changed the way he feels and I have not changed the way I feel. During the argument he said some things about me that had nothing to do with the subject of the argument that cannot be taken back. We have been together for 20 years and don't argue often. I was just thinking about this subject this morning and saying to myself, "After 20 years, you still haven't learned when to shut up." I did not have to participate in the argument, it was not that important, and no good came from it.
My wife and I just got in an argument the other night over NOTHING. They almost always flare up when someone isn’t HEARD correctly. Before I launch into ‘agressive dude’ mode, I’m learning to ‘interview’ my wife about what she’s trying to say.
p.s. Make up sex is always the best.
YOOOOOOOOO. funny how at some point during the argument it hits you….. how can we finish and be happy….. we believe in you both and are rooting for you. that is the beauty of life…. prayer is beyond supersonic, it is a flavor from heaven.
Thanks for being real. My wife and I had an argument/disagreement last night, too. Life is tough sometimes. God is good.
Absolutely! This is an awesome verse for this very concern!
It is very hard to resist arguments, but worth it. The key is to not turn off your emotions altogether or become apathetic.
Hope you're doing very well now!
Aggressive dude mode is rarely a good thing @ home. I learned that many years ago, but he still wants to come out from time to time. Resist!
Thanks a ton! Keep praying!
Hope things have smoothed over. Time really is a major healer of the wounds we create in arguments.