It has been amazingly painful and a bit shocking for me to watch my friend Gary Lamb over the past few weeks since he resigned as Pastor of Revolution Church. His Twitter updates and his blog posts have been so stinking sad and hard to read. I love the guy and it hurts me to see him in such a bind, eating Chic-Fil-A for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Could you imagine the sting and shame of everyone knowing so much of your dirty laundry?
Could you imagine resigning as the leader of the awesome church that you started and poured your heart and soul into because you had an affair?
Could you imagine how difficult it would be to stare your friends and family and wife and kids in the face and just hold small-talk conversations?
Could you imagine not really being able to show up and pastor the church (or lead the business or whatever) that you started and poured your blood, sweat, and tears into?
Well, I can hardly imagine those things myself, but I have been imagining them a lot more lately because the consequences of our mistakes can be HUGE! ENORMOUS! LIFE-ALTERING! When most people make mistakes, they aren’t thinking about the consequences, because they don’t think they’ll be caught or they just aren’t thinking in the first place.
When faced with a temptation, I have about 10 different things that cross my mind, but from now on, one thing that I will be thinking about is throwing it all away. Is this mistake worth throwing it all away for? Is getting some booty worth throwing it all away? Is stealing a bit of money worth throwing it all away? Is telling a lie worth throwing it all away? Is (you fill in the blank) worth throwing it all away?
I am going to be rehearsing that question and potential scenarios in my mind as practice so that when I face temptation I will have already counted the costs and decided the answer in advance.
——
I want to make a point publicly that is only loosely connected to my blog post. I could rattle off the names of 10 different (prominent) pastors that had affairs with other women, had kids with other women, and even worse (yes worse). All ten of those pastors still pastor the same church and all ten of them divorced their wives and moved on.
Heck – maybe some people think that that is a better solution than what Gary has done by stepping down and focusing on picking up the broken pieces of his life, but I don’t. I have more to say, but I’ll stop while I’m ahead.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
One of the best lines in this post is "Is getting some booty worth throwing it all away?". I love it because it's straight, it's raw, and it's the truth.
One question that always follows a story like Gary's though is "Where were his close friends, the ones he should have given permission to keep him accountable?" As a pastor of a large church, you'd figure that some type of support system would have been in place to help keep the pastor "safe" and "in check". These "affairs" don't happen over night. It's usually a process and it's during that process that Gary could have been saved from the bigger mistake.
So shaun, my advice to you as a pastor of people, lives, and families, is to give key people permission to help "keep you in check". I'm sure you know what I mean. It's usually the leader or pastor that walks alone that finds himself in Gary's position at some point.
Good post and we should all keep Gary and pastors like yourself in prayer. thanks.
Hey Hector,
Thanks for your comment man. Gary had a lot of friends. I am his friend, but he had friends much closer than myself. However, at the end of the day, your friends only know what you let them know and when temptation comes, it's up to US to let our friends know what we're going through. That's easier said than done because we like for people to know the best about us.
Shawn, my Hero
Hector's comment reminds me of a story my brother told me some time ago… it was about a cat crossing railroad tracks. A train came past and cut off the end of it's tail… the cat was encouraged to overlook the minor pain and suffering and go on with it's life. Instead the cat insisted on looking back for the end of it's tail. Eventually another train came along and cut off the cat's head. Morale: don't loose your head over a little piece of tail!!!
My God keep you safe my friend… Wali
I like that story Wali! Hilarious, but powerful.
Even with key people around you, you need to be able to KEEP YOURSELF in check. As humans, we can lie to anybody at anytime, especially if we are trying to hide our crap.
We need to put up strong boundaries for ourselves and stay committed to our covenant.
Shaun, thanks for being a great example of transparency. What is needed in Christian leadership is more people like you.
BTW, ain't no "booty" worth it.
This kind of stuff is why I really push my leaders to read Deadly Viper… character is such a big deal.
Grace + Peace
I am from a smallish rural town in Ky. I know five pastors in the past 20 years that have had affairs. It is more common than we want to think. And that is the ones that got caught. The ones I know about worked closley with the woman they had affair with. They spend more time with that person than with their wives. They need to have a male assistant. Pastors are humans. Yes we do expect more from them and a lot of people put them on pedestals. Lessons can be learned from this incident.
Let's pray for Gary Lamb, his family, the woman he was involved with abd her family and the
" Revolution Church"
Thanks for the authenticity here Shaun. I'll keep on praying for Gary and Revolution Church.
And for you and all the other pastors committed to that call God has placed on their lives, which automatically means satan has a big special attack target placed on you guys too. Stay clothed in that armour.
I am wondering if anyone heard what you said.. (sorry… maybe not right way to say it…) I think that you were pointing out that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God… and that not everyone walks away from their position because of it… and was this the right thing? or would the church have been better off to work through this and ALL come out victorious in the end?
I don't know any answers, I am just wondering if I heard you saying something different than everyone else seemed to… seems to me that God deals with all of us on an individual basis, and maybe this is what God said to him… but maybe this is what man said to him in his sin instead of what God said… because usually when I do wrong, God tells me I am forgiven and get up and sin no more…
Shaun, do you really think it is necessary for Gary to permanently resign from his church? I find it hard to accept that this man has thrown it all away. People have made it sound like God no longer has any great plans for his life and that he will never be able to walk in the calling God placed on his life.
I'm not saying that you are implying this, but I just feel like we're making it all final when it really shouldn't be. Did Gary really throw it all away for good? I don't think so. I feel this thinking is anti-grace and anti-kingdom. The picture creates is one where we say, "sin disqualifies you from what you were born and called to do." It says, "if you mess up, you'll never be able to recover. God has given up on you and your ability to advance the Kingdom. We give the devil glory"
Here's my thing- if we're saved by grace, how come we don't live and operate by grace? I'm not justifying Gary's sin b/c it was wrong and ungodly, however should this sin disqualify him from being able to pastor. Is Gary's purpose and assignment in the earth cancelled b/c of his sin? If we believe in grace and the eternal purpose of God and that ALL things work together for good, and that goodness and mercy follows us all the days of our lives then I find it extremely hard to believe that his work is over.
Nowhere in scripture do we ever find a REAL believer permanently disqualified and kicked out of their calling when they are repentant- nowhere. Actually, we see God still working through repentant and good-hearted men in spite of their sins. God never called for King David to resign his crown, Samson didn't resign his judgeship, Moses didn't hand over the reigns to Joshua when he smote the rock, Jacob "lied, cheated, and stole" but God still kept the calling on his life, and Apostle Peter still went on to preach the 1st message, be the lead Apostle, and lead the church after he swore by God that he didn't know Jesus (the greatest sin to me besides blaspheming the Holy Ghost).
Yes, God is calling for us to live a holy lifestyle and to have a righteous standard, however b/c of grace and God's eternal purposes for our lives, I don't believe God throws us (our purpose and assignment) away. Therefore, when we fall short of God's mark, we shouldn't throw them away. I wonder how many men and women of God have thrown away what God is still intending on using?
And here's the biggest oxymoron of this paradigm to me- people can do what disqualifies Gary from being a pastor (the sin) before they're pastors, bishops, leaders, etc. and still be able to fulfill their calling. But if they do the same sin while they're pastors, bishops, leaders, etc., they've thrown it all away.
So, I don't believe Gary has thrown it all away. I just believe he has delayed the full manifestation of his assignment and purpose for a temporary period of time. Do you disagree with this perspective?
And you may not be saying that it is "over", but that's the kind of vibe I've been getting when I read what others bloggers say and what not (the few that I've read). So this is NOT against you in any way.
P.S. I pastor The Kingdom Center in Akron, Ohio so this isn't from a random, uneducated, pissed-off, rebellious "christian" who thinks everything is a conspiracy. LOL.
Hey Bryson!
Thanks for your comments man! I have been wrestling with many of the questions and issues that you pose here. The Bible does spell out some specific qualifications for a pastor/bishop, etc. Some of us meet those qualifications and some of us don't.
God is not finished with Gary. Gary's calling is not null and void. However, he and his team felt (rightly so) that, because of what transpired, that this calling was going to have to be best fulfilled elsewhere. I understand that decision.
They could have made other decisions and still been right as well.
Shaun, I agree with your post. A repentent heart will always find forgiveness with God. But God doesn't remove the residue that sin can leave. Two families are destroyed by Gary's actions. This sin has cost Gary tremendously. The men that Bryson mentions from Scripture…all carried the cost of their sin.
The position of Pastor is a sacred trust. This trust has been violated with his congregation and his staff. God's church at Revolution is left to pick up the pieces. God help us all.
Life isn't over for Gary. God will use all of this for His glory and for Gary's good… if Gary allows God full-access to his heart/life. No one is immune to failure.
Shaun, Frist time on your web, I Love it!!!!! Thank God for Gary knowing that he did wrong and willingness to resign, He could have been like so many others so caught up in themselves as the church that they wouldn't resign!! We have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. God will continue to use Gary as he sees it. Are we going to be man-pleasers or God-pleasers. Tell Gary to check out CindyBeal.com, to hear it from the wife's perspective and how her marriage was saved. "We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (belivers)". Thanks Shaun for standing being the mighty man of God that you are! I thank Streaming Faith for all of the wonderful men and women of God that I'm meeting through their devotionals. Thank You Lord! Love, Barbara
Now I realize I'm out on a limb here, as I don't know the details of the case….
On one hand, Lamb obviously committed a terribly selfish act, breaching his family's trust, violating his marriage, & compromising his integrity. In reading his letter, I respect his forthright acceptance of responsibility & the consequences of his actions. It's also good to see hat while he helped build that church, that it's not irrevocably tied to him. That being said, I don't know if I can say his actions necessarily required resignation from his pastorship. Suspension, perhaps, or a voluntary leave, but I can't say that being fired was automatic.
1.) To what extent is this a private matter? (As a principle, I'd say that the fewer church resources are used, the less the church should be involved.)
2.) There are many sins; adultery is just one of the more embarrassing & salacious ones. What makes that sin so much worse than some others, like greed, callousness, etc?
3.) What about forgiveness? It seems sometimes that in many "religious" circles, of many faiths, the moment the scent of blood is in the air, the wounded person is devoured and given a scarlet letter, as if we are not all imperfect. Wouldn't a more Christian thing to do be something like, "we're not going to expel you, we will forgive & work w/ you, and after time & penance, you may take your former position?"
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