Comments on: All the Single Ladies (Part 1) http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html The Blog of Shaun King Thu, 12 May 2011 15:57:14 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Happily Married After » Blog Archive » Why You Can’t Find A Good Man http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-30553 Happily Married After » Blog Archive » Why You Can’t Find A Good Man Tue, 10 Aug 2010 11:38:30 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-30553 [...] was reading a blog that I tend to read very often by Shaun King called Shaun in the City, and he brought up a hot button topic for men and women (particularly here in Atlanta.) He was [...] [...] was reading a blog that I tend to read very often by Shaun King called Shaun in the City, and he brought up a hot button topic for men and women (particularly here in Atlanta.) He was [...]

]]> By: How Some Women Have Really Confused Me! — Shaun in the City http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-23244 How Some Women Have Really Confused Me! — Shaun in the City Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:09:15 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-23244 [...] also wrote about some things I observed with single women in some popular posts here and [...] [...] also wrote about some things I observed with single women in some popular posts here and [...]

]]> By: BLWA http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-14349 BLWA Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:13:29 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-14349 I know this an old post, but I figured I'd share... I am a 25 year old African-American female in Atlanta and just got married August 1st to a wonderful 25 year old African-American man who is originally from ATL. Granted that we met while we were in college in South Carolina, he was and still is a great man in ATL and was single at one time. Before we got married he said that there were not many females in Atlanta that he wanted to pursue because he was looking for a girl that didn't have so many superficial standards and didn't always want to go to club. So, apparently, there are guys in ATL that feel the same way you do. I think your post was great and spoke many truths. We as women have to take care of ourselves first and not put ourselves in certain positions to be hurt...regardless of how much we may want a guy...We have to understand that having a man in our life does not define our self worth. We also have to get rid of the "fairy-tale" romance that we think is actually possible. My husband and I have a lot of love and respect for one another. We also have a lot of fun and joke around with each other, but marriage in general is not always a fairy-tale and it's not always easy. Even if you find a great guy and you have a lot in common, it is still going to be an adjustment and difficulties that will come up along the way. No man or woman is perfect. When you find a good guy, you have to ask yourself if the things that you don't like about him will keep you from loving him and accepting him for who he is. I think single ladies should understand that it takes a measure of humbleness and realness with ourselves to get to the core of what might be going wrong. I mean, is it really a big deal if your guy is boring? Or if he doesn't have the type of job you think he should have? Or if he doesn't have a degree? Maybe you are the missing piece in his life to help him be those things that you think he could be to help him discover things about himself that he didn't already know. Please understand, you cannot change a man, but you can inspire him in a way that makes him want to be a better man for you simply by being a good, down-to-earth, wholesome woman. My husband and I did pre-marital counseling and our counselor told us that God brings husbands and wives together to help shape and mold each other for His divine purpose. He also shared with us that everything would not be easy and that a lot of times the same thing that you love about a person may be the same things that you don't like. To all of the single ladies out there---the guy will find you in DUE time. When my husband and I decided that we wanted to get married, guess what, we were both out of work. It was a hard decision to make together because there was no income, but we made it together and now we look back on the last year and we are able to see how blessed we really are. Please understand that a woman cannot change a man, but if that man loves and respects you, he will treat you differently than he has treated any other woman---AND it takes a mature man, a REAL man to be able to actually recognize that he does love and respect you and treat you like he does. I hope this helps to shed light on this issue from a woman's perspective. Thanks. :) I know this an old post, but I figured I'd share…

I am a 25 year old African-American female in Atlanta and just got married August 1st to a wonderful 25 year old African-American man who is originally from ATL. Granted that we met while we were in college in South Carolina, he was and still is a great man in ATL and was single at one time. Before we got married he said that there were not many females in Atlanta that he wanted to pursue because he was looking for a girl that didn't have so many superficial standards and didn't always want to go to club. So, apparently, there are guys in ATL that feel the same way you do.

I think your post was great and spoke many truths. We as women have to take care of ourselves first and not put ourselves in certain positions to be hurt…regardless of how much we may want a guy…We have to understand that having a man in our life does not define our self worth. We also have to get rid of the "fairy-tale" romance that we think is actually possible. My husband and I have a lot of love and respect for one another. We also have a lot of fun and joke around with each other, but marriage in general is not always a fairy-tale and it's not always easy. Even if you find a great guy and you have a lot in common, it is still going to be an adjustment and difficulties that will come up along the way. No man or woman is perfect. When you find a good guy, you have to ask yourself if the things that you don't like about him will keep you from loving him and accepting him for who he is. I think single ladies should understand that it takes a measure of humbleness and realness with ourselves to get to the core of what might be going wrong. I mean, is it really a big deal if your guy is boring? Or if he doesn't have the type of job you think he should have? Or if he doesn't have a degree? Maybe you are the missing piece in his life to help him be those things that you think he could be to help him discover things about himself that he didn't already know. Please understand, you cannot change a man, but you can inspire him in a way that makes him want to be a better man for you simply by being a good, down-to-earth, wholesome woman. My husband and I did pre-marital counseling and our counselor told us that God brings husbands and wives together to help shape and mold each other for His divine purpose. He also shared with us that everything would not be easy and that a lot of times the same thing that you love about a person may be the same things that you don't like.

To all of the single ladies out there—the guy will find you in DUE time. When my husband and I decided that we wanted to get married, guess what, we were both out of work. It was a hard decision to make together because there was no income, but we made it together and now we look back on the last year and we are able to see how blessed we really are.

Please understand that a woman cannot change a man, but if that man loves and respects you, he will treat you differently than he has treated any other woman—AND it takes a mature man, a REAL man to be able to actually recognize that he does love and respect you and treat you like he does.

I hope this helps to shed light on this issue from a woman's perspective.

Thanks. :)

]]> By: Why You Can’t Find A Good Man « The Transition http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-13993 Why You Can’t Find A Good Man « The Transition Mon, 12 Oct 2009 11:30:38 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-13993 [...] was reading a blog that I tend to read very often by Shaun King called Shaun in the City, and he brought up a hot button topic for men and women (particularly here in Atlanta.) He was [...] [...] was reading a blog that I tend to read very often by Shaun King called Shaun in the City, and he brought up a hot button topic for men and women (particularly here in Atlanta.) He was [...]

]]> By: Gette http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-12708 Gette Mon, 14 Sep 2009 14:22:17 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-12708 Thank you for saying so! it was necessary and it got to the point. About 4 years ago a Pastor came and spoke to a women's group and basically he said that a lot of us were going to need to let the sheet down 3 times that there was not a color of man or nationality of man that was 'defiled' that we are the human race and we have different ethnicity. 4 Years later and going through a divorce with a black male. I have the shoulda woulda couldas. Thanks for being frank and putting it out there. Thank you for saying so! it was necessary and it got to the point. About 4 years ago a Pastor came and spoke to a women's group and basically he said that a lot of us were going to need to let the sheet down 3 times that there was not a color of man or nationality of man that was 'defiled' that we are the human race and we have different ethnicity. 4 Years later and going through a divorce with a black male. I have the shoulda woulda couldas. Thanks for being frank and putting it out there.

]]> By: Why You Can’t Find A Good Man | Single In Atlanta http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-10059 Why You Can’t Find A Good Man | Single In Atlanta Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:30:38 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-10059 [...] was reading a blog that I tend to read very often by Shaun King called Shaun in the City, and he brought up a hot button topic for men and women (particularly here in Atlanta.) He was [...] [...] was reading a blog that I tend to read very often by Shaun King called Shaun in the City, and he brought up a hot button topic for men and women (particularly here in Atlanta.) He was [...]

]]> By: Annice http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-6890 Annice Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:36:36 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-6890 I so agree with you Shakera. I agree in that women are trained to think of ourselves as needing a mate in order to feel complete. We are indeed socialized to believe that we are not as valuable without a man and to wait for the day we are found by a man, in who we can then find our purpose. In the past I have been one of those women who have settled for less than what I deserved, just for the sake of having someone (who didnt treat me right). Now I am single and purposely so. Sometimes singleness is for a season and sometime its long-term, and in a lot of ways I am preparing myself for a fufilling life of singleness. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, but whatever it is I wont be anxious either way. I would love to meet a great mate, but Im trying to get to the point where I don't tie my self-worth into it. We are to find our hope in God and no-one else. I strive not to live a life of emanation. I so agree with you Shakera. I agree in that women are trained to think of ourselves as needing a mate in order to feel complete. We are indeed socialized to believe that we are not as valuable without a man and to wait for the day we are found by a man, in who we can then find our purpose. In the past I have been one of those women who have settled for less than what I deserved, just for the sake of having someone (who didnt treat me right). Now I am single and purposely so. Sometimes singleness is for a season and sometime its long-term, and in a lot of ways I am preparing myself for a fufilling life of singleness. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, but whatever it is I wont be anxious either way. I would love to meet a great mate, but Im trying to get to the point where I don't tie my self-worth into it. We are to find our hope in God and no-one else. I strive not to live a life of emanation.

]]> By: Brett http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-6886 Brett Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:30:42 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-6886 I just read your follow-up post and wanted to read this one as well. This issue is one that is near and dear to my heart because I lived in Atlanta for 3 year and barely went on a date the entire time I was there. I happen to be one of the educated, "successful," women you describe, but I also try to be a godly woman. I feel as though we women really catch a lot of flack for our behavior - but we're not ALL out there making it easy for guys. In fact, those of us that won't are generally the ones who remain perpetually single. So my question has always been: when does someone ask the men to step up and be the men that God would have them to be? Eve wasn't brought to Adam until he started searching for a helpmate; Rebecca wasn't brought to Isaac until it was determined that he was ready. The only example in the Bible I can think of where the woman had to do something to get her huband was Ruth - even there Boaz had to be TOLD it was his responsibility to marry. So I was glad to see your follow-on post talking about possible solutions. I'm switching over there to leave a comment as well! :) I just read your follow-up post and wanted to read this one as well. This issue is one that is near and dear to my heart because I lived in Atlanta for 3 year and barely went on a date the entire time I was there. I happen to be one of the educated, "successful," women you describe, but I also try to be a godly woman. I feel as though we women really catch a lot of flack for our behavior – but we're not ALL out there making it easy for guys. In fact, those of us that won't are generally the ones who remain perpetually single. So my question has always been: when does someone ask the men to step up and be the men that God would have them to be? Eve wasn't brought to Adam until he started searching for a helpmate; Rebecca wasn't brought to Isaac until it was determined that he was ready. The only example in the Bible I can think of where the woman had to do something to get her huband was Ruth – even there Boaz had to be TOLD it was his responsibility to marry. So I was glad to see your follow-on post talking about possible solutions. I'm switching over there to leave a comment as well! :)

]]> By: Kay http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-6885 Kay Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:19:09 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-6885 An Epidemic of SINgleness: God's Solution (c) 2006 by K.B. Jenkins An Epidemic of SINgleness: God's Solution
(c) 2006 by K.B. Jenkins

]]> By: All the Single Ladies (Part 2) — Shaun in the City http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/05/all-the-single-ladies-part-1.html/comment-page-1#comment-6884 All the Single Ladies (Part 2) — Shaun in the City Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:02:24 +0000 http://www.shauninthecity.com/?p=906#comment-6884 [...] The comments on Part 1 of this post were really even better than my article.   As promised, I want to take a little bit of time out [...] [...] The comments on Part 1 of this post were really even better than my article.   As promised, I want to take a little bit of time out [...]

]]>