I was reading this post from my buddy Los yesterday and it really got me thinking about the scoundrel I used to be. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a pretty messed up dude in need of the grace and mercy of God every single day, but I am not who or what I used to be. Sure, some remnants are left behind and I still slip up and cuss or lose my temper every now and then, but I am sure that God has made me into something quite new.
Not too long ago I was ashamed of who and what I used to be and have always been very reluctant to share many of the low moments from my past, but I am at a place in my life where I am believing that somebody out there needs to know that although I have a few butterfly moments (see picture below) today, I used to be a hairy worm (see picture above)!
One of the most powerful things a Christian has is a testimony! When we hide or tuck away or compartmentalize serious segments of our past as if they did not happen, we are not only denying someone else an opportunity to be blessed and encouraged by our story, we are really acting like we are embarrassed by God.
Hear my heart, God did not bless you and change you from the inside out just for you. He did it for others to be encouraged by your example and He did it to bring back glory to His name.
I’m going to be sharing some PRETTY WILD never-before-heard details about my past & history in the comments here and I would encourage you to join in with me to tell the world who you used to be so that they can appreciate the mighty work God has done in your life!
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Let me go first! I am going to make several comments over a period of several days and would encourage you to feel free to comment on mine, but also post your own comments.
Sometimes I can't quite believe that I am the man I am today when I look back over my past and see all that God has delivered (and is delivering) me from!
1. Almost all of my best friends from childhood are dead or in jail. I did what most of them did, but I just didn't get caught or pay the price that they paid.
I am thinking now about my friend Monte Berry who will probably be in prison for the next 30 years or so. I still love you bro and am sorry life has been so doggone tough.
I am thinking now about my friend Steven Searcy who died of a drug overdose and was my best friend as a little boy and again as high schoolers as we rode back and forth to school together every morning. The last time I met with Steven he told me that he believed deep in his heart that there was something special about me and I never forget that.
I am thinking about my friend Rodger Matthews who was shot and killed in Cincinnati and was one of my best friends when nobody wanted to touch me with a ten foot poll.
I have a lot more guys I'm thinking about, but I miss these dudes the most. I could have very easily been any of those guys. None of us grew up with dads that cared and all of us fought hard to find our way in life.
#2. As a teenager, I faced constant harassment and threats from racists in my school and was eventually assaulted and beaten very badly by them. To protect myself, my friend Rodger Matthews gave me a gun as a birthday present that I took with me to school many times and considered using more than once.
One time I was at the mall with Rodger, his very, very crazy sister, and some friends that now attend the church that I pastor. I was carrying the pistol in my waist band and it fell through my pants leg onto the floor of a very crowded mall during Christmas season. I kid you not, the pistol was laying right in the middle of the floor of the mall and NOBODY saw it. NOBODY.
I can't explain it, but I am pretty sure that God did something to divert people's eyes away from what would have probably ruined my life for a very long time had I been caught.
You are a few years (5+) younger than I am and I read your blog and inserted the names of friends I have lost over the years….it is such a devastating experience and some kids go through it on a regular basis. I think that's what saddens me the most:Seeing the young kids on tv cryging when one of their friends has been killed. That is one of the reasons it was so hard for me to walk away from Education…the other reasons made it easy because I had to pray before I walked into that building everyday, asking God to have His way with that situation. Alas! I am not gone forever though. I have been using what God gave me to do what He planned for me to do, just as you are. Even though you have done your 'dirt' I think it was all part of the Plan. You are serving as an example of what God can do in the lives of those who surrender to Him and acknowledge that He is in control. Some people may disagree, but I always remind myself that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
(PART II) On a personal note: I was just reading some of your updates and I am so impressed by the fact that you ALWAYS mention your wife Rai (hope I spelled that correctly) and how beautiful, strong, and supportive she is. Had I not joined your FB group, I would not be privy to a first-hand account of how a Man is SUPPOSED to treat his Wife…I did not grow up with my biological father, but my mom was married. As a kid, you do not know what actions/behaviors/words are right or wrong..all you know is that you see adults doing/saying things so you think they are o.k. I am now almost 35 years old and I have made some terrible choices in men and did not realize why/how I (an otherwise intelligent and fairly street-smart woman) could be such a horrible judge of character…but I guess that can serve as my testimony to someone else. Just because you have made some bad decisions, that does not mean you are unworthy of love and respect from a man.
And here's the thing…if you present ourselves to young people like we don't have painful pasts, they won't know that we have things to say to them that can really help them through hard times.
Too often we present ourselves to young people like we are perfect and have always been that way. They need to know that they don't just have to rely on peers, but have people like you and I to lean on too.
Thanks for this compliment and for your transparency!
#3 – As a 15 year old I was doing concert promotions for a nationally known gangsta rapper (who was actually a gangsta) and got shot several times when a pre-concert event in the hood really went south. He has been in and out of prison and the owner of the record label I was promoting for is still in prison today! The brother actually called me collect from prison one time about 8 years ago and I changed all of my #'s!
You know what? This stuff is so juicy I think we need to make a movie of some of this stuff :-)
I couldn't agree more with what you said about testimony. I used to think that testimony only was good to share when it involved either being a goodie two-shoes who never messed up, or someone who had some sort of miracle happen in their life. It took me a while to realize that God being in my life and how He transforms me daily is a miracle and a testimony to be shared.
I used to be a depressed and sad excuse of a human being. I was a shell of who I used to be and who I should have been after I was raped as a teen. I used to blame every guy around me for what happened. I got the call from God to go to France and that's where He transformed me into who I started to become today. I messed up along the way and started to look to other things besides God to help me. I even considered using magic spells to get what I wanted because I felt like God was moving too slow. And when I couldn't find a guy who wanted me for me, I started to have sex. Thankfully I stopped before I got any kind of STD or traumatized myself or got pregnant. Honestly, I still struggle now and then with keeping up with what God wants and not just what I want. He has taught me patience though and I have learned a lot from my mistakes. I'm blessed beyond measure when it comes to so many things, despite where I messed up.
I used to be a runaway teen, pot smoking, angered, rebel girl who fought who ever crossed me, been to shrinks and anger management due to a horrible past as a child but once I gave birth to my son slowly began to change until now feel 90% better and owe all to the mercy of Christ and believing all is possible and my hubby for standing by me, what a man!
My name is Jeff and I am currently attending Western Kentucky University. Recently I had an opportunity to share how my life has changed with about 200 students here on campus. It was completely random actually. But since high school my life has made a complete 360. Smoking and drinking is no longer a habit for me but a testimony that I have lived through some crazy situations only by the grace of God. In a nut shell Gods love never fails and I am glad to be living for him even after everything that I have done in the past. You can check out the youtube video and its like the last 2 mins of the video of when I shared this testimony. (poem written by the truth) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DN7ed6-fRU
God Bless
J
My testimony is posted here: http://www.maryloveslife.org/about.html ENJOY! He is Faithful!
I was a young man who grew up in church, gave up on church, and pursued the dream of being a musician. I traveled all over playing music, using everything to numb the pain of the emptiness inside of me. As a teen I rejected church as irrelevant to my life. I believed that there probably was a God but that He was much too busy to care about or even notice me. I was fiercely driven in the music industry, and even though my dreams were coming true… I was empty and unhappy. By the way, I probably wouldn't have admitted that at that point… but now looking back it is very obvious. I was consuming massive amounts of drugs and alcohol. I was in love, but my life style was so self destructive that I found it hard to stay in my young marriage. Life was one selfish choice after another… and the consequences of those choices nearly destroyed me… I was totally broken when I said yes to God. It was the smartest decision I ever made.
You were shot or the rapper?
Thanks for sharing your story J.B. It was a real blessing to me!
Thank you so much for sharing this Ana! Most people that would look at me or you would have no idea that we have been through what we've been through! God bless you! Be sure to TELL YOUR STORY!
That should have read got SHOT AT…not got shot! Whoa! Big difference! It was still scary as hell, but we didn't get shot that night.
Awesome Mary! Mind posted a few bits of it here?
Wow man! That is a powerful story! God really does make us brand new! Do you ever get a chance to share that story?
That's fine! Use whatever you want. It's all for His glory! :)
Blessings~
Mary
I was the young man who grew up in church, was known as "the model teenager", and knew the Lord, but lived a double life…. At 8 i was physically abused by my mother and @ 19, she and I became estranged because of my choice to live as I chose. In the almost 12 years since, I've been held up at gun point, tried to commit suicide, been kicked out my home by family, had sexual relationships with men and women, nearly contracted HIV, came close to being arrested, smoked weed, and been engaged and jilted twice… God has always been there to correct and restore me and although some temptations still come, I think that choosing God will always be the smartest decision I will have ever made….