How I Keep my Marriage Hot & Spicy!

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A few days ago I told you about some rather drastic steps that I take to avoid moral failure in life and ministry and set off a firestorm of very passionate comments.  I actually learned a lot from many of the comments and perspectives that were offered.  However, one criticism that I took to heart was that a few people wondered what positive actions that I actually take to keep my marriage hot & spicy and I want to share a few of those thoughts with you.

Let me preface what I am about to tell you with this disclaimer: My wife and I don’t have a perfect marriage and we aren’t perfect people. These steps and strategies will help you, but taking them does not mean you’ll never fuss or argue or disagree again! In fact, hot & spicy is more of a goal for our marriage and not a constant reality :-)

Hot & Spicy Tip #1: Mandatory Weekly Date Nights – with 4 kids and very busy schedules, my wife and I have wanted to have a weekly date night for years and just haven’t been able to make it work.  We do this now and will never turn back.  Nothing fancy, but we might go to a movie, get a bite to eat, or head to the bookstore.  Just some unfiltered time alone to talk and appreciate each other without kids grabbing at us!

Hot & Spicy Tip #2: Know Your Role – My wife is a strong and bold Spelman woman, but she and I both know that we have some very specific roles in our marriage that we have to play consistently to keep each other engaged.  This in no way means that we are limited to these roles, but we both take care of them well. My primary role is to make my wife (and kids) feel very secure (physically, emotionally, financially, etc.) and I will do anything & everything to make this happen.  My wife thinks its sexy that I will work three jobs to make ends meet or chase down robbers @ gun point to protect our family.  I know my role.

Hot & Spicy Tip #3: Good Sex -I won’t go into great detail here so that I can keep my blog PG-13, but my wife and I feel pretty strongly that this is important for any great marriage.

Hot & Spicy Tip #4: More Good Sex sorry about that.  Thinking about Tip #3 really got me distracted :-)

Hot & Spicy Tip #4: Open, Honest, Frequent Communication – This has not always been a strength in our marriage because it really took several years for me to really open up and talk to my wife about my true thoughts and feelings.  However, I have found that doing so is essential if my wife is going to know how to really be supportive of me.  At this point in my wife I can honestly say that my wife is my very best friend.  We tell each other everything and support and coach each other through all of the curve balls of life.  She’s not a stranger -but knows my hurts, pains, hopes, and dreams – and vice versa.  This keeps our marriage fresh AND real.

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Do you use the things on this list?  What would you add to it?