Comments on: Going from 2 Incomes to 1 – Your Tips

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:31:04 +0000

Hi Shaun,
We subscribe to the streaming faith devotionals and came across yours today about “Finishing Well” It was very helpful as we are focusing on some major business goals for 2009. I decided to click on your blog link and ended up reading your post about going from two incomes to one.
My husband and I made that decision 7 years ago when I was pregnant with our daughter. He would remain employed and I would leave teaching and home school our children. we have been doing that successfully.
While I do agree with the others above that you have to be more cautious with spending and most definitely trust God to provide, I must say that we have always looked at our financial situation a little differently. We found ways to increase our income at home as opposed to shrinking it. We did not want to live more cheaply or go from one car to two or never eat in a nice restaurant again or enjoy traveling.
We developed and are in the process of developing other streams of income which we are happy to share with young budding families like you and your wife.
I can’t promise you anything. You do not even know me. But I do not believe in chance. I only believe in God opportunities. Email us privately and I will be happy to link you to our site to give you more information about what we do.

By: Step

Step — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:59:58 +0000

Hey Chandra, just wanted to say your comments were helpful. Thanks for the great notes and perspective!

By: Chandra

Chandra — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 07:08:11 +0000

Like Marriage or having children, people can give you a lot of advice but you have to work out the details on your own. You have already been given some great points so I will just make some notes. If you have any questions, you know where to find me:)
• Know for sure your motive for staying home. This has to be something that God has “laid on your heart to do”. If it is being done out of exhaustion, this is what Christian mothers do or any other thing that is an external pressure, you may not be joyful in this journey. It needs to be that this is the ministry God has called you to at this point in your life or it ain’t gonna work! Trust me!
• If you are making the transition, stop spending the wife’s paycheck today! Bank it as emergency money and begin to live on one income now.
• It will never work financially but it can work faithfully (i.e. Trust in God and contentment in what you have is key). It does not matter if you make $15 million or $1500, if you are greedy, discontented or envious it will never be enough. God will check you on this and you will have to learn to deal with your motives of buying, spending, needing and wanting. I buy everything on sale, which is my rule. I also make a budget by the week, so everyone in the house knows what is being spent where in “real time”. As we weekly go over the schedule, we go over what money is going out. This helps us not to over spend separately.
• A husband is the best help when he drops expectations and rolls with life. He has to “get into it” or as my husband says start his second job when he comes home. (The more my husband “gets into it” helping the more we are able to get into it with other stuff, if you know what I mean).
• He has to realize when he gets home he has to be a parent (this is my expectation and it is more important to me than a husband helping around the house is. My husband is phenomenal so he does all of it well). No wife, stay at home or not, can build the husband’s relationship with his children. This is his responsibility. Being a parent means (but is not limited to) helping with homework, baths, activities and spending time personally with his children daily.
• As a formally educated woman, I have to engage my brain with meaningful conversation and work outside of my home that is I. I blog a little, keep up with technology and news, have lunch with my professional friends at least once a month, I volunteer and am on the board of a couple of major organizations in town. What volunteer when you do not work – yes but unlike a job I can call and tell them I am not coming in this month! My criteria for volunteering: I have to love it, it has to fit in my schedule and it has to have enough substance I can put it on a resume if I need to return to work. I feel this is important because if you intend to return to work at some point you have to be able to show that you have been “working” as well as keep up networking contacts. This also helps me to meet people who need Christ and expand my ministry.
• My benefit of being home I am obedient to God first. Because I believe this is what He called me to. I love being there for my kids, my husband, being able to have extended devotions/prayer times, my church/community, flexible.
• Finally, challenge/secret – The biggest challenge for me (perhaps not for you) is that being a stay at home mom is not significant in the eyes of many. They play lip service to the admiration of it, but people at Christmas are far more interested in what my sister-in-law that makes 7 figures thinks about everything. After confessing my apprehensions about my life direction, to my cousin the Stanford clinical psychologist she told me something that has proven to be true. What you do is just a spring broad of the conversation. In today’s culture, people care more about your attitude and how you look! Therefore, have a positive attitude in the Lord and stay in great shape! Those two things may seem shallow, but they have allowed me to get very deep with people in all stations in life.

By: Shaun King

Shaun King — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 01:57:52 +0000

WOOOOOW! Your comments are really helping us. Keep ‘em up!
-Shaun

By: Dion E

Dion E — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 20:49:06 +0000

Hey man, as you know this has been our story for years. Michele has been at home homeschooling our kids. I am at work now so I can’t do much typing. However, we can talk about it and swap ideas n’ stuff… Peace!!!

By: Radical Bender

Radical Bender — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 20:26:34 +0000

Having recently made a similar transition, I understand what you’re going through. I had a nice, if frequently frustrating job and my wife stayed at home with our infant daughter. Then, beginning of August, I got laid off. Now, I work at home as a freelancer. (I’m a web developer, so the work transition was actually pretty easy.)
But, it cut us off from having a steady paycheck, so we had to make some major adjustments.
Regarding the finances, you pretty much have to reevaluate everything in your life. Look at all of your monthly bills and say, “Is there something I can do to reduce this?”
* Can I live in a cheaper home?
* Can I get by on one car instead of two?
* Can I get by on public transportation instead of a car?
* Can I lower the heat and put on a sweater?
* Can I turn off the air and open a window? (I know how difficult that one is — I live in Texas. :)
* Do we both need cell phones?
* Do we need a home phone?
* Do we really need cable or satellite?
Bear in mind, too, that even bills you think you may not have any control over, if you call and talk to someone, many times they can help. If you have a car note and are in a bind, sometimes they can set up a payment deferral for a month or two. If you have a credit card bill you’re stuck with, call them and see if they can lower your interest rate. Or look at consolidating, if that’s an issue.
Take a look around your home and see what you don’t need anymore. We had a spare queen-size bed we didn’t use anymore, but were saving for an eventual guest room someday. Sold it for $300. Craigslist, eBay, Amazon if you’ve got extra books or media — great ways to get hundreds of dollars more.
Maybe that one’s obvious, but I’m a packrat, so that took getting used to. :)
That’s more on the practical side. The spiritual, mental, emotional, psychological side is different for everyone. But changes like this (and especially for you as the evil one loves trying to screw up things where God will work mightily) will amplify everything that happens in your relationship with your wife. The highs will be higher and the lows will be lower. When you personally invest yourself into something, that’s just the nature of what happens. (God does great things through my wife to help support me, but the evil one attacks her consistently as well. He might not be able to get you directly, so he’ll go after the people around you. It’s cowardly, but it happens. Be ready for it.)
Anyway, I’m hardly an expert, but I hope that helps. :)

By: Rindy Walton

Rindy Walton — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 20:22:00 +0000

I went to single income when divorced (and no support) so can tell you what I know from that…
prioritize, prioritize, prioritize—and then figure cheaper ways to make those things happen. e.g.–time with kids is important but there are so many cheap/free things to do, like turning off tv and playing games/telling stories, go for family walks, have special nights at dinner (like “backwards” night where u eat dessert 1st)
buy clothes that span styles
plan meals ahead of time and stick to the plans–eliminates running out and buying “extras” each time
shop consignment shops/garage sales, etc–some stuff is like new…but a whole lot cheaper.
for your wife–let her have time without the kids! either with hobbies/friends, etc–put it on the calendar!!
for both of you–find someone who can watch the kids and have a date night–the stress WILL increase with the changes…preserve the marriage! Put the date night on the calendar!! dates can be simple and cheap!
my guys appreciate what they do have a lot more than most of their friends, have learned to be economical, and the time we’ve spent together is priceless!!!

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 19:21:42 +0000

How do you make it work financially?
You trust God.
How does the formally employed stay-at-home mom best transition to this new role.
You trust God.
Got to agree with everything Toby said. I have been at this for 26 years! Still not retired because I did such a great job the kids are still at home (lol). Of course this economy doesn’t make it easy for young people (but that is a whole other story).
Have to say this much, if your wife is leaning in this direction then all I can say is trust God, nomatter what. He will provide. Don’t ever doubt her or throw it back in her face when times get hard (and they will). But I think the benefits outweigh other options. I think my children would even say they agree even when at times it meant they couldn’t do and have everything that their friends had.
You guys are pretty careful now. Stay on that same path but don’t over think it. Like I said God will provide. If you look at our history, you would ask how we did it and are still doing it. I say God did it ( and several times he did it when Marc was not working….he got laid off twice within one year and we never missed a beat). God will provide.
How can the husband best help the wife?
You trust God (and you don’t assume that because she is at home that she can do it all by herself).
How can the wife best help the husband?
You trust God (because you are juggling so much, many times she will be on her own. Don’t let that turn into bitterness. Remember you are partners in this together).
Husbands – what do you expect of your stay-at-home wife?
Of course I can’t answer that one (LoL).
Wives – what do you expect of your husbands?
That he will continue to protect our family, no matter what. One the many things I love about Marc is that his family is at the top of his priority list. Especially in ministry you have to take time out for family. And you have to take time out for just you two (because one day it will be just you two). And as much as you would like to come home and just relax. Remember she worked just as hard that day as you did. Frankly Shaun I don’t think you will have a problem with this one, because you already understand how much work is involved.
What are the greatest challenges? Juggling family, finances, and ministry. Which is why you have to trust God.
What are the greatest benefits? Hearing my kids 25 years later say they appreciate the sacrifices we made for them.
Any tips or secrets? Trust God!!!!!!

By: Step

Step — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 19:21:29 +0000

My wife has always been stay-at-home since our first baby (while she was finishing college), so I don’t have a whole lot of transition advice. Otoh, we did leave the military and had to take a pay cut (while stepping into much higher expenses, buying our first house).
I do have to take the opposite tack of Toby – in the last year we’ve gotten on a “to the dollar” budget where we spend our money on paper before the month starts (and we start spending for real). This has been a huge blessing to us in managing everything. This was particularly important because my wife could easily spend far more money on clothes for the kids than I had any idea of – even though she was bargain shopping most of the time!
Financially you’re going to have to eat cheap, cut out restaurants, bargain hunt and coupon clip. Luckily my wife loves doing the above. Menu planning has helped us some, but honestly what really helps is when we run low on food about the 22nd, and I say “no we can’t go buy more stuff because we don’t have the money”. 1-we eat out of the cupboard, and 2-we are motivated to be more diligent the next month.
This will still be a full-time job for her. It’s hard with the way our culture uses words, but try hard to avoid the “she stays home” or “she just stays home” type coments.
Also, realize that when you come home exhausted from work, she’s exhausted from having the kids hanging off of her and yelling all day (and she probably doesn’t want anyone to touch her at all). For us it’s just been a thing where when she’s frustrated or really on edge, I take the kids outside or just take care of them or whatever, and vice versa when I come home and am impatient with kids or angry. We have to really watch our attitudes because it really affects the kids’ behavior.
I expect my wife to take care of the kids, keep them engaged, help them learn and grow, keep the house clean, dishes + laundry, et cetera. I only get the first one guaranteed though, all the others are pretty hit or miss. :D We split up most of the household responsibilities based on abilities, energy levels, moods. I think the one thing you have to do is communicate, and especially I think it’s critical that you do the budget together (since that’s usually the biggest stresser on couples).
For your wife, it’d probably be great if she had some sort of playgroup or women’s group that she can just rejuvenate in at least once or twice a week.
Also, try and let her out on the weekends and whatnot (you’ll have to man up and take the kids for a day here and there). Given that your wife has been working, being at home all day every day will probably be a tough adjustment. She’ll need to find ways to get out without spending money – that’s a big problem we struggled with the last few years, though I think we’ve finally got it (mostly) solved.
I’ll have to ask my wife to comment here, she’ll probably have more useful insight than my ramblings. :)

By: Shaun King

Shaun King — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:59:10 +0000

Great thoughts Toby! Very helpful. Counting every penny has not helped us much either, but we will have to take our financial discipline to another level for sure.
Take care,
Shaun