A Guest Blog from Wifey on a MAJOR DAY!

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Today was one of the biggest, toughest days of our life.  At about 4 pm or so today, my wife, Rai, asked me if she could blog about it on here.  So, let me recap something amazing – my wife watched a UFC pay-per-view with me last night and is writing a guest blog today.  I obviously married the right woman.  For real though – here it is (love you babe):

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I am writing a blog for the first time. I have to. I need someone to talk to. Not
like my best friend talk to, not like Shaun, not like my mom, not even like God
talk to…yeah seriously. I’ve already
talked to God. I’ve talked to Him a lot
actually over these past couple of weeks. But there are still some unresolved things I’m dealing with. This afternoon I told my best friend (Hey Michele!) this
same thing. We brainstormed about who I
could call…other friends, old wise people, etc. But there was no one in my phone’s contacts
that gave me that "ah hah that’s who I need to speak to"
feeling. So, after much deliberation and
moping around I’ve decided just to write and then share…well maybe share,
depending on how this goes.

Today was a tough day! Today it was announced to our church that we are leaving. Shaun and I and our family are leaving our
current church (where he is lead elder over a satellite location), to start a
church of our own. That always sounds
strange. I don’t mean "our
own" because the church belongs to God, not us, and it’s not a business,
it’s a ministry, so claiming it as "ours" sounds weird. That’s not what I mean. We are setting out to start a ministry with a
very specific vision that we feel has come from the Lord. That’s better. But it’s against the advice of
some, yet to the enthusiastic encouragement of others. It is against my need for security (Shaun had
a job that paid real money, took care of real bills, and fed real, hungry
children), but it fulfills the dream he has had for so long, and that I want to
see him fulfill. So I’m torn. I’m scared, but I’m excited.

I’m hurt too though. I hate to leave the people we’ve served with and have grown to love-the
people who have followed our pastors, but who were more closely following us. That’s the worst. Part of me feels like we’re abandoning
them. I hope they know that we’ll carry
them in our hearts forever. I hope they
know that we genuinely, truly love them. I pray that God will dry their tears and mend their hearts, as He dries
and mends mine (Brooklyn, Sam, and Cassandra…we are the biggest cry babies…I love you all). God knows it has not
been our intention to hurt or disappoint anybody. The church will go on without
us. As a matter of fact, I hope it
thrives! It’s God’s, not ours.

But really the truth is that I am sick of church. I really, truly am! It’s messy, and even fake at times. I see why much of the country is moving away from
Christianity. So many churches serve the
needs of the pastor-to be validated, needed, preferred, taken care of,
etc.-instead of serving the needs of the people by leading them to Christ. I’m quite disgusted with the whole
thing. So, I’m really trusting that
Shaun and I are going to be able to do this differently. I know so many pastors start out saying the
same thing, and then loose their way. God forbid this should happen to us! *Disclaimer* I am not at all speaking of the church we just came from.  It has been good to/for us.  I will never say otherwise.

I am clinging to my
husband’s vision for a congregation of people that love God, love people, and
prove it! I don’t know if he knows it,
but he’s my last hope. I need him to
walk the straight and narrow. I need him
to stay before the Lord. I need him to
think of others more than himself, to be humble and to serve, never puffed up
or boastful because of his gifts and talents. And I certainly need him to never involve us in any type of
scandal-especially nothing that resembles the mess we see played out in the
media today among “God’s people.” No
messy divorces, no fights in the parking lot, no affairs producing children all
over the city (my kids need their mother free, not in jail for murder) ;-0 -I’m
just kidding….really, I’m not that type.

I know we won’t be perfect, and thus neither will the church
we shepherd. We are both young, a little
naïve (some might say a lot), and are apt to fall flat on our faces. But here’s what I know for sure: we won’t
spend the whole of our lives working in jobs that don’t fulfill us (I teach
first grade by the way), never going after the visions God has given us. Nope! That won’t be our testimony. Shaun will never wonder what could have been. I love him for that.  I am
very aware that this could fail, and all the naysayers might say “I told you
so.” But you know what, it’s worth
it. I’m following him, as he attempts to
follow God. I can go to fake church
anywhere, any day of the week. But now
my husband is my pastor, and I am going to “his” church because I believe in
him, and I believe in his vision…Wow!! I’ve come a long way to be able to say that. Some of these things I say and believe in
faith….Lord help my unbelief!…I’m trying so hard not to be scared to death!!